PLEASE HELP ME GET MY DREAM JOB

PLEASE HELP ME GET MY DREAM JOB with

Expected Compensation:
1. No work - with no authority to even buy a pen as then I need to work
2. Twin bungalow for me
3. Similar bungalows for my friends
4. Free tour with security all over country to perform my favorite hobby Drama
5. Free foreign tours to all my loyal ones
6. Rs 58 lakhs of personal expenses beyond salaries and perks
7. Rs 1 crore for chai samosa for all my chamchas
8. 400% increase of CTC of currently posted person
9. Bulk holidays every 3 months for yoga, treatment or otherwise (this otherwise clause covers reasons not stated)
10. Rs. 600 crores for personal advertisement.
11. Few unparliamentary hidden facilities for my dear and near

MY Role:
If you agree to the above I promise to deliver the above sincerely
1. Yearly increase of CTC to me and my colleagues to be highest in the country
2. Conduct tamasha in each and every state
3. Special training programs would be organized on as and when required basis on how to display anarchy
4. Bash all other equivalent or superior stakeholders shamelessly
5. Release guidance (manifesto) of false promises

Please I need this job urgently. I have not asked for more. I heard such vacancies are available only in India and luckily the selection committee is so intelligent and already have selected a best candidate for this post along with equally competent team :)

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